i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize