so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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