we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Are my feet made of real feet?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
