you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
