We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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