I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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