Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
