Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Rumble strips road head = magical
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
