look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
