Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
