big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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