Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
