I want to walk on stilts...naked
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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