sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
