wrigley field is MILF paradise
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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