i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
