No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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