I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
