sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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