How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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