Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
