Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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