I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
