My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
