it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
