naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
