Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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