I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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