I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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