Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
