I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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