Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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