I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
