dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
