I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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