when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
