I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
