I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
