i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
