cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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