I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready