I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat