I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
