I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?