so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.