i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
