you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.