I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
