Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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