By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Drake has all the answers
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
