As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
