I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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