Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
