i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
