I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
