if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
