How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize