That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
