True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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