I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
