wakey wakey hands off snakey
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm getting married
To pizza
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
