Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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