So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
