Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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