Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
