he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
