Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
