just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
