I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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