we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
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If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
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I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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