I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
